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21 May 2007

Parental Alienation verses Parental Alienation Syndrome

It's ashame that there's a debate concerning Parental Alienation -vs- Parental Alienation Syndrome. A debate an argument, which is now being fought inside of courtrooms. No one should be disagreeing that parental alienation takes place because there are many different reasons as to why it happens. Some accounts are very much valid, such as the need to protect a child from an abusive parent. Other motives purely stem from a selfish means of getting back at the non-custodial parent. From a bad divorce. And, that's a tragedy in the making.

The late, Dr. Richard Gardner, child psychiatrist brought this PA & PAS to the forefront many years ago. And many are in total outrage.

Listening to each argument coming from both sides of the fence is disgusting.
Neither wants to recognize that parental alienation is real and that it exists.

Judges will ignore children's pleas of not only being forced into visitation but living with their abusive parent. Our legal system, has gone straight to hell in a hand basket when "a North Carolina court incarcerated a teenage girl who refused to visit her father, and a New Jersey court suspended a mother's contact with her two children, granting sole custody to the father despite "'foreseeable emotional upset and possible trauma'" to the children (Hoult, 1). In Pennsylvania, a court ordered a teenager into "PAS treatment," and he subsequently hung himself." as reported by NOW.

Newsweek writes "Why Parents Who Batter Win Custody." The parent who is the batterer has been the controller of most decisions which take place inside of the household. The controller of the family finances and sadly to say, possibly the bread winner which by their thought process allocates them control of pretty much everything else.

This abuser has the monetary means to pay their way through court. The court system is about money. Whoever has the money to pay the costs, well they basically can get what they want. We know that an abuser doesn't want to relinquish control. They will sell the farm to have the court rule on their behalf. While, the parent that the child should be with and who is trying to retain custody cannot afford to spend the earnings on exuberant legal fees & continue with the upkeep and raising of these children. Dollars come into play and not what is best for the children.

Then we have parents of both sexes, that execute parental alienation due to anger. Their goal is to punish the non-custodial parent, but in essence this only hurts the children. When the custodial parent, (whether it be a father or a mother) is constantly verbally assassinating the non-custodial parent this is the onset of parental alienation.

Children feel a certain allegiance to the parent that is doing the raising of them. They don't want to hurt this parent's feelings by loving the monster in which they hear so many unkind words and stories about. Many of these men along with women haven't abused their children. It's simply called a husband and wife couldn't get along, they couldn't honor their marital contract.

To say these kind of tactics aren't known to man is a lie. Children are caught in the cross fire everyday. And, many simply succumb to the unspoken wishes behind the cruel and hateful things which are being said. Any individual who speaks ill of the parent living outside of the home does this with the hope an intent of blemishing the view which said child sees this parent in. They certainly aren't trying to foster a good and healthy relationship between them.

I don't know how in the world parental alienation can be justified as a 'syndrome'. Webster's first definition of syndrome "a group of signs and symptoms that occur together and characterize a particular abnormality or condition." This isn't a symptom, abnormality or a condition. It's a poor personal choice which either parent can make.

Second, "a set of concurrent things (as emotions or actions) that usually form an identifiable pattern." Exactly, key words emotions/actions. And, it's something that We as parents/adults can have control over. Get a grip on your tongue and your emotions! Keep your hatred and disdain for the lost of your marriage and the disappointment that you're feeling between the two parties who are responsible for the disintegration of it.

Because if you do not "Your children will most likely experience many emotional upsets, negative behaviors, depression etc. which will cause the true sense of meaning in which the word syndrome wants to be used, (which was only created by your emotional and psychological abuse).

further readings, Parental Alienation Syndrome Directory.

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